The courtly lover’s narcissistic illusion conceals from him the traumatic strangeness of  ‘the Freudian Thing’.

Another way in which courtly love betrays its link with masochism is its emphasis on strict performance of codes. Masochism is to be distinguished from sadism in that it is a contract between two parties, in which the supposed victim is giving the orders, unlike sadism, in which the torment is uncontrolled.